📄 Nice guys need not apply (nor nice gals either)

You may have noticed that these days, I fly the USP "I help nice people sell more" in my banner.

Because yes, nice people often struggle to promote or sell their work, because it's easy to let your values get in the way - and that ain't right, and I'm here to fix it.

So then, if I work with nice people, why is today's missive titled "Nice guys need not apply"?

Don't I do this working on ethical selling & business growth for the sake of nice guys and nice gals?

Well no, not at all.

Because there's a big difference between being a 'nice person', and being a 'nice guy or gal'.

Meaning: a nice guy is a different name for 'people-pleaser'.

And going through life trying to please everyone is no way to live.

It doesn't help you help others, because it means that you let your own well-being come second to that of others.

Which isn't to say we shouldn't strive to serve others, but how well are you able to help or serve or make life better, if your own circumstances are crap? (also see: oxygen-mask principle)

After all, there's a reason why the story about St. Martin of Tours tells that he cut off half of his cloak to give to a beggar he came across one cold winter, instead of handing him the whole thing.

No, if you really want to do right by others, if you truly want to make a difference and leave the world a better place for having been here, you've got to make sure that you're actually able to.

And that means you need to protect the asset.

Learn how to say no to people who drain you.

Curate your energy.

Don't say yes to everything people ask of you.

Take time for yourself.

Build and maintain a no-list, so that you have a ready set of criteria for the things that you shouldn't let into your life.

Nice guys and nice gals don't do this. To some degree or other, they - unfortunately - suffer from the misconception that in order to be a good person, you need to let everyone in the world waltz all over you.

The irony is that for a number of years, I too had this problem. Giving away my time at the expense of building my own business.

And the dark truth about being a people-pleaser is that behind it, in most cases, there's the idea that in order to be a good person and a true altruist, we need to sacrifice our own well-being for the sake of others...

When doing so is actually the opposite of an altruistic attitude, because "My goodness, look at how much I sacrifice for others - I'm SUCH a majestic benefactor to humanity!"

In other words: a people-pleaser might think they render service, but in the end they just do it in order to feel good about themselves.

Anyway.

Just because the psychological make-up of people-pleasing is devastating for actually making a business grow and thrive, I don't work with nice guys and nice gals.

But if you're a nice person, who knows how to take care of the self so as to better serve others, I might be able to help you find and convert more buyers.

Just get in touch and let's talk.

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